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Lady Liberty

by Glen Raphael

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1.
Lady Liberty loves life She's been thinking she might like to be a wife She picks Craigslist to place the perfect ad: Giant metal momma seeks stupendous boyfriend/dad She knows the odds are pretty small For women over 50...stories tall She's seen it all Lighting a world she once inspired It might be time that she retired She stood for freedom all the while Freedom's somehow fallen out of style So leave illusions on the shelf Time to find some freedom for herself Lady liberty is concerned Few responses were returned Mostly offers she doesn't want at all Statues rarely need viagra or resveratrol She nixed Paul Bunyan for crazy stuff he said The men upon Mount Rushmore Only want to get ahead The answer isn't here - What was she thinking? And suddenly she gets a note - from Lincoln! [he says: ] Lady Liberty, I'd be glad To try to be your boyfriend/dad Four score and eight years now I sat upon this chair Hoping to hear a word from someone who would care The women here are small and camera crews are pesky I'd rather be with someone statuesque-y! Lighting a world you once inspired I think it's time that you retired You stood for freedom all the while Freedom's somehow fallen out of style So leave illusions on the shelf Time to find some freedom for yourself Lady Liberty loves life
2.
Chorus: Be the gorilla my dreams; I would go ape over you In our fine pajamas, I'd feed you bananas Monkey see, monkey do - wouldn't you? Be the gorilla my dreams; don't make a monkey of me Swinging's our activity, free or in captivity Be the gorilla my dreams We've all got our place, so: your branch or mine? Of all of my mates I know you'd be the prime You'd be my prime-mate! [chorus] When you served me grub Our new lub couldn't wait I told all the jungle that you're chimply great Chimply fantastic! [chorus]
3.
I was out on The High Line enjoying the day The pull of a motor easing my way I lean just a little and weave my way through Up to ten miles an hour on my SBU You see posted warnings at all of the gates They've always banned bicycles, scooters and skates But mine was a new thing of special appeal With gear and a motor but only one wheel Self balancing unicycle never hurt anyone Self balancing unicycle just making smiles, just having fun So why'd the policeman give me a ticket - what did I do On my SBU? The cop said I failed, failed to comply With bicycle restrictions; he wouldn't say why So I did the research, I looked up the law Broke through all the jargon, and here's what I saw: A bike's not a unicycle; bikes have two wheels (or sometimes three) The laws against bicycles don't cover me Some wheels spin in tandem, or three to a trike But if this odd contraption has one wheel, it isn't a bike! So I told the justice - and she had to agree Cancelled my ticket, setting me free To this day I wonder, now that it's all through If that caused such trouble What would jumping stilts do? Self balancing unicycle never hurt anyone Self balancing unicycle just making smiles, just having fun And out at the high line today you may see what true freedom can do: I'm on my SBU!
4.
Some people are too angry, some people are too loud Some people talk like morons, while others act too proud Some ought to bathe more often Or should wear less perfume Some people like to sing out loud who couldn't hold a tune I'd love to be more social I'd love to spend more time among the people If people didn't suck Yeah people suck; they're always leaving And often when they don't you wish they would Rarely has it ever been a good thing that people were involved Yeah, people suck, and we're all people So suckage just might be the common thread We spend our lives annoying one another Until the day we're dead Some people are too nosy, some people cut in line Some people take your parking space While others waste your time Some people jump the turnstiles, or movie-hop for free Some write dumb songs complaining about everythng they see I'd be in love with everyone except that People really suck. Yeah, people suck, and it seems likely That might be all there is to say on that The more that I learn about people the more I like my cat. Yeah people suck, and I don't like them Although there's an exception I might make: If you were to be with me then that Annoyance I could take.
5.
Every little decision splits us in two There must be a million worlds we've been through Before I go, there's something that you ought to know Most of me are happy with you I mull this over at home in the bath Every choice we make creates a new path Smarter men than any of me Tell us there must be worlds we agree That's not a metaphor; they did the math This quantum entanglement Spooky action at a distance Whole worlds of possibility There is only one I see You know I love you, but also I don't And I will love you forever, but also I won't I'm sure most versions of me Love almost every version of you There are worlds we're here for every one we're through This quantum entanglement Spooky action at a distance Whole worlds of possibility You're the only one I see In the world beyond Neils Bohr What are decisions for? Do they change anything? What will our future bring? We have a moment; with luck it might last All our action's reactions are now in the past This much is true as anything any of me ever knew: Most of me are happy with you
6.
I hike, bike, and recycle; I care about the planet But what has the planet done for me? I douse...fires I've burned But are my affections returned? What feelings have the earth for me? Ok sure, it's the only earth I've known That could be the problem; Maybe both of us have grown With all that we've been through We might need a week or two alone To figure out the meaning of it all We scrimp, we shout Wonder what we could do without And what has the planet ever done for me? [break] I might have tried to see other planets on the side But long-distance relationships are hard by radio telescope I'm here, you're near; let's try to enjoy this ride Without the earth I'd be inclined to mope Of planets, you're the nicest one I've ever seen up close There's no place else with such a good commute If we could get some counseling You might give me nicer weather And for my part I would try not to pollute...much. I'd go to pieces if earth favored another species So let us try to work things out Though all the other primates doubt And I'm reluctant to commit I do believe that this one's it And you are the only earth... For me!
7.
Decapitation, extra cold Can bring us forward to a future bright and bold With fewer problems, your life Has got a second chance A chance to make it right, remember Britney Spears is gonna freeze her head When everybody that you've ever known is dead, You might go quietly but heed these words instead Britney Spears is gonna freeze her head A brand new body Would be great Whatever part that doesn't work we amputate And build a new one From spare parts New heart, new limbs, new soul New future to control, no wonder Britney Spears is gonna freeze her head When everybody that you've ever known is dead, You might go quietly but heed these words instead Britney Spears is gonna freeze her head If you were living Britney's life you wouldn't find it pleasing A chance to try it all again could be worth the teasing So it's time to think of freezing Britney Spears is gonna freeze her head When everybody that you've ever known is dead, You might go quietly but heed these words instead Britney Spears is gonna freeze her head
8.
My place is dirty, but I hate to clean Can't find a keeper because they tend to scream I wallowed in despondence until I found the key To solve every issue that had been plaguing me An army of robots is just what I need On every occasion they'll act on my lead To call forth solutions effective and severe An army of robots is here My city elders a nuisance persist Won't nod respectfully or bow before my fist I should make them suffer and always speak wist- fully of the past and the fingers that they missed An army of robots is just what I need On every occasion they'll act on my lead To call forth solutions effective and severe An army of robots is here Well, the robots I built got a little bit too smart They stopped following orders; they're appreciating art Of those that wouldn't follow the dictates of my heart To make an example, I tore a few apart (and now) The army of robots appears to have turned Upon the kindly master from whom all was learned I did want destruction, but not aimed at me I'm wishing now I'd purchased the extended warrantee An army of robots I now must avoid To slip the authorities I've had them all destroyed My planning was flawless, but robots left me vexed; Perhaps I'll try alligators next!
9.
Colorblind 02:30
Red means stop; green means go Yellow's always somewhere in between I see the signals, I see the signs Never knowing what they mean Ask my policeman; ask my judge Write me a ticket or give some other nudge But look a little closer and you'll find: I'm just colorblind. We send the soldiers on their way They've got the orders to kill another day Some insurrection leads to war Never knowing nothing of the thing they're fighting for It's been a problem; it's a curse Things we say are getting better always getting worse I wouldn't say that we're unkind; We're just colorblind. And sometimes our perception is askew What we see is not the same - A slightly different hue. So if I slight you when you go It's not intended; I probably didn't know Call me a moron; call me rude The one I thought I wanted now is with some other dude That's not your problem, not your play We were making colors in a wholely different way I let her think I didn't mind; I was colorblind.
10.
The globe gets a little hotter when I get a glimpse of you The earth gets a little colder when our time is through Don't tell me they fudged the data, or botched the plot All I'm talking about is you - that's hot and so The globe gets a little hotterwith every glimpse of you The earth gets a little warmer, whenever I see your face Your smile, turned in my direction makes it a warmer place Don't know about urban heating, or C02 I just know about the heat... I get from you and the earth gets a little warmer, whenever I see your face (break) My heart feels medieval warming Whenever you turn my way But then there's a Little Ice Age, when we're not okay Don't know about melting glaciers, or polar bears All that matters is the warmth we share and that The globe, gets a little hotter whenever you hear this song - so go buy some carbon credits! Just because you heard this song.
11.
If you see something, say something (x3) I see a bird I see a little white bird You didn't know. You haven't heard - did nobody call? I see a girl I see a beautiful girl Out on her own Out in the world, with no one at all And when I look around I see that everything's strange We're all a little deranged And everybody's just people We've got to solve the problem No other way to rock that, got to face our fears And everybody sees danger, but we can't hide in closets We've got to be the grownups, no more wasted tears It's been too many years If you see something, say something (x3) I see a wall I see a twenty-foot wall You couldn't see the view at all I see a sign I see a prominent sign A sign of fear But not of mine, it's no fear of mine And when I look around I see the world hasn't changed We've got to cope with the strange And everybody's just people We've got to solve the problem No other way to rock that, got to face our fears And everybody sees danger, but we can't hide in closets We've got to be the grownups, no more wasted tears It's been too many years Too many years If you see something say something - or don't!
12.
I met a girl, hair across her face Gentle in her moves, elegance and grace She let me in, I took her side Some way to win, something to decide I would sing to her of thoughts we've been ignoring, but love songs are boring She knows a boy, glasses on his nose [I know] Has a little charm, but needs some better clothes He's getting old, grey in his hair Sometimes he's bold, but not completely there She would sing to him, a flood of words outpouring, but love songs are boring Everyone has loved; everyone has heard each tortured rhyme or misbegotten word Everyone has tried to celebrate their muse, only to anger or confuse Which is why you find when musically exploring, love songs are boring Everyone has loved, everyone has found Some maudlin time, turned into a sound We could write it out, words upon a page Slighting the feelings we engage... Still I'll sing to you, the one I've been adoring, love songs are boring

about

These are mostly funny/nerdy songs. One (Gorilla My Dreams) has been featured on the Doctor Demento Show.

credits

released August 1, 2012

Words, music, guitar, voice: Glen Raphael
Bass: Mark Dann
Recorded at Mark Dann Studio in Tribeca

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Glen Raphael New York, New York

Glen Raphael is a Brooklyn-based singer-songwriter who performs songs on such nerdy and diverse topics as quantum physics, bedbugs, and the Statue of Liberty's mid-life crisis. Glen has won Best Original Song awards at NCSA events and is the current organizer of the New York City Folk Music Meetup. ... more

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